When they were young
by DeNerd
Summary: Mario and his friends talk about things they did when they were young


**When they were young.**

****

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Mario characters. If I did I would probably be making a new game at the moment.

Note: Sentences in stars *like this* are actions describing what is happing.

*Mario, Luigi, Peach, Toad and Yoshi are watching children's cartoons with Baby Mario.*

Mario: It's amazing to think that we once watched stuff like this.

Peach: I never did. We didn't have a television before you guys came.

Yoshi: So what was life like for you when you were a child?

Peach: I mainly helped the staff, stuff like that…

*Young Peach, a sickeningly cute little girl in her usual pink dress, is in the kitchens talking to one of the cooks.*

Peach: Is there anything I can help you with Sir?

Cook: You needn't help me. It's my job, not yours.

Peach: But I like helping people Sir.

Cook: And you needn't call me Sir either.

Peach: But you're an adult and father always says to be polite to adults…

Toad: (Interrupting Peach's story) Yes and I was Tinkerbell Clematis, King of the flower fairies. And my father was a snowman and my mother was a strawberry cheesecake!

Luigi: What's that supposed to mean?

Toad: It means that everything Peach just told you is a pile of rubbish! I used to work as the King's accountant so I know just what Peach was like…

*Toad is sat behind his desk, which has huge piles of paper all over it, and is trying to work. Suddenly young Peach comes in, her dress is ripped in places and she has got mud on it and on her face.*

Toad: Peach, you really should knock on the door before walking into some else's room. It's more polite.

Peach: I can do what I want! I'm the princess! This is my castle! I could get you fired if I want to!

Toad: Yes Peach.

Peach: Yes, _Your Highness!_

Toad: Yes your highness then.

Peach: That's better. Now I want to play a game.

Toad: Well I'm busy. Why don't you play with someone else?

Peach: I want to play with YOU!

Toad: But I've got lots of work to do, and if I don't do it then your daddy will be upset. You don't want to upset your daddy do you?

Peach: (Throwing a tantrum) WAAAAAAHH!!!! I WANNA PLAY A GAME! I WANNA PLAY A GAME NOW! I WANNA…

Toad: All right! I'll play a game. (He has an idea) Let's play, hide and seek. I'll count to one hundred, and you go hide somewhere in the castle. I'll Start now… One, two, three…

*Peach leaves and Toad carries on counting. When he gets to thirty he stops counting and stars working again.*

Peach: You know I spent 6 hours in a broom closet wondering why all the staff were laughing at me.

Mario: Hey! I've got an idea! Next time Bowser kidnaps you, why don't you throw a tantrum?

Peach: Very funny! I bet you weren't Mr Perfect either though!

Mario: My parents said I was very well behaved as a child.

Yoshi: Your Parents didn't have to carry you on their backs to Baby Bowser's castle!

Luigi: He couldn't have been that much trouble. And anyway it was your own fault for volunteering!

Yoshi: He was a pain in the butt! And my ass did we volunteer! This is why we took him!

*It is the beginning of Yoshi's Island for the SNES. Green Yoshi has just taken Baby Mario to the other Yoshi's.*

Green Yoshi: Look! I've just been hit on the head with a baby!

Brown Yoshi: What shall we do with it?

Blue Yoshi: Lets eat it!

Yellow Yoshi: Yeah! 

*They all agree that eating Baby Mario is a good idea. But then Shinguru Miyamoto appears.*

Shigsy: Do not eat the baby! You must take him to baby Bowser's castle so he can see his twin brother Luigi.

Red Yoshi: And what if we don't?

Shigsy: I will let fox McCloud and Captain Falcon play battle ships on your island.

Pink Yoshi: But they're still children!

Shigsy: Yes, but they own real spaceships with real laser beams. Would you like two babies driving star ships to come and invade your island?

All Yoshis: No.

Shigsy: So what will you do with the baby?

All Yoshis: (Reluctantly) Take it to Baby Bowser's castle.

Shigsy: Good Good! Off you all go!

*They all trudge off annoyed, with Baby Mario on Green Yoshi's back.*

Mario: I can't believe you were gonna eat me!

Toad: Well, they wouldn't have had to worry about there not being enough to go around!

*Everyone but Mario laughs.*

Luigi: Hey Mario! Remember that time you decided to go on a diet?

Toad: Mario on a diet? I can't imagine that lasting for long!

Luigi: It didn't!

*Teenage Mario and Luigi are at school in the canteen. Luigi sits down on a table with Wario and Waluigi and he has a tuna sandwich. Mario joins them, he has bought some salad and an apple.*

Waluigi: What's with the rabbit food?

Mario: I'm on a diet.

Luigi: Since when?

Wario: Since ten minutes ago when Pauline said she wouldn't go out with him because he's a fat slob!

Luigi: Ha! I don't have to worry about things like that. 'Cos the girls just love my thin, toned body!

Mario: In other words they pity you because you're anorexic!

Waluigi: No that's me.

Wario: Yeah right! No girl would ever pity you!

Waluigi: Wanna bet? (He speaks really loudly and pathetically so everyone in the canteen will hear him.) Oh Mario! Will you eat this food for me? I can't have anymore because it will make me fat!

*The girls on the table next to them all start muttering "Oh poor Waluigi!" and stuff like that.*

Mario: Yeah well… They certainly don't love Luigi for his "Thin and toned body"!

*Just as he says this a group of really cute cheerleaders in miniskirts come past their table.*

Cheerleader 1: Hey Luigi, We've got a cheerleading practise tomorrow lunchtime. (Giggles)

Cheerleader 2: (Giggles) Will you be taking you remarkably hunky body up to help us? 

Luigi: Hey sure I will! (To Cheerleader 3) Hey you wanna go to the gym tonight. I could help you tone up your thighs. (He puts his hand up cheerleader 3's skirt and pinches her.)

Cheerleader 3: (Giggles) Sure I do. Cutie. But I've gotta go now. Bye bye.

*They all walk off giggling. Luigi smirks at Mario.*

Mario: Smart arse! *He opens Luigi's sandwich and, with help from the other two, forces his face into it.*

*Later that day. Everyone but Luigi is at home eating dinner. Luigi enters.*

Mario's Mother: Where have you been?

Luigi: At the gym with a really cute cheerleader who's name I can't quite remember.

Mario's Mother: Honestly! You're just like your uncle! Well it's your fault your dinners cold!

Luigi: (Seeing that Mario is stuffing heaps of chocolate cake into his mouth) What happened to your diet?

Mario: (Speaking with his mouth full) I got hungry!

Luigi: (Sighs) You are never gonna get a girlfriend.

Mario: I am to!

Waluigi: He's right. You've got as much chance of getting a girlfriend as you have of meeting a talking mushroom!

Wario: That's easy!

Mario's Mother: _Without_ taking LSD or Magic Mushrooms or any other illegal substance!

Wario: Oh… Not so easy then.

Toad: Must have been a pretty good chance then! But I can't imagine Luigi and Waluigi being such perverts!

Luigi: Good thing he didn't say an _Intelligent, _talking, mushroom then!

*Everyone but Toad laughs.*

Toad: Hey! I'm smarter than you are!

Luigi: What makes you think that?

Toad: Well, for a start I don't desire a chance to through perilous adventure and go through masses of pain and inconvenience more than anything else in the world!

Luigi: Yeah well you're a cowardly swot.

Toad: Swot I'll admit to, but not cowardly.

Yoshi: Well, what have you ever done that's brave?

Toad: I once babysat Wendy O'Koopa for a night.

Mario: That must have been awful

Toad: Not really, I'd had lots of practice with Peach! I just did the hide and seek thing again. You wouldn't believe how many dolls she has.

Mario: Hey! I remember Luigi used to have Rainbow Brite doll when he was younger!

*Everyone sniggers at Luigi.*

Luigi: Yes, I remember that to. I also remember that Waluigi used to look up its skirt! Hey! I just remembered the time you took it into school!

Mario: Did I? Oh yeah I remember now!

Peach: Why did you do that?

Mario: The four of us had had a major argument and the next day we had to do a silly show and tell thing as part of social education, so we all took something really embarrassing that belonged to one of the others!

Yoshi: I'd have liked to see that!

Luigi: We'll tell you about it!

*The four of them are in a classroom. They are sat at different corners of the room and keep glaring at each other.*

Teacher: Ok. The first person to do their show and tell will be Mario!

Mario: Right! (Shows the Rainbow Brite doll) This doll belongs to Luigi…

Luigi: You jerk! I should have bought some of your embarrassing stuff!

Mario: As I was saying, we've been trying to get Luigi to get rid of it and stop cuddling it at night…

*All the boys burst out laughing.*

Mario: But he won't. So once, I think it was last month, we hid it. But we told him we had burnt it. And you know what he did? He started crying like a baby!

*Everyone else bursts out laughing, including the teacher.*

Mario: And then he told our Mum, and so we had to give it back, or else she would've grounded us for life. That is the end of my show and tell.

Luigi: That didn't happen last month! It was more like five years ago! Actually it was ten years ago!

Teacher: OK. The next person will be Luigi.

Luigi: (Glaring at Mario.) This is a tape I found under Waluigi's bed, along with some of Shelly Brown's underwear. 

*Shelly glares at Waluigi.*

Luigi: Can I play it?

*Waluigi's face has gone pale and he is mouthing "No, No, No, Please, NO!" at the teacher.*

Teacher: You may!

*Luigi puts it in the tape and presses play. It is a tape of the girls changing room, at first it is empty but then all the girls in the class come in and start changing, as they are changing the camera focuses on various unmentionable parts of the girls. All the boys in the class are gazing at the screen but the girls look furious. Luigi stops the tape.

Luigi: Any questions?

Shelly: Can we kill Waluigi? 

Teacher: No! Thank you, Luigi that will be enough. The next person is Waluigi.

*Waluigi gets up, as he passes Luigi he thumps him in the stomach.*

Waluigi: Right. (He holds up a magazine.) I found this under Wario's bed. It's a porno magazine. That's weird enough 'cos he says he prefers the real thing. But what really freaked me out was that this one had men in it.

Everyone: Eeeeewwww!

Waluigi: So I was just flicking through it, reflecting on what a weirdo Wario is. When I noticed this weird white stuff on the paper…

Wario: It's egg! I swear on my life it's only egg.

Some Lad 1: Yeah right you Gaybo!

Some Lad 2: Hey Wario! You wanna go out on a date with me?

Teacher: All right! That's enough! The next person is Wario.

*Wario goes to the front of the room. He holds up a book.*

Mario: Hey! That's my diary!

Wario; It sure is. And it makes a very interesting read. I've decided to read the funniest bit out to the class. "January 15th: I'm really scared. Wario made me eat 100 grams of Arsenic powder! I'm going to die of poisoning! I'm scared that I'll go to hell! I wish I had been nicer to Luigi and hadn't been such a pain for my parents. I don't want to die I'm too scared. But I never knew that Arsenic is orange flavoured." New paragraph, "Wario's a jerk! That Arsenic powder he made me eat was really orange sherbet! I'm gonna kill him for that!"

Mario: And I'm gonna kill you for reading that out!

*Mario jumps Wario and knocks him to the floor, they start punching each other, all the other kids in the class start a riot and the lesson is plunged into chaos.

Yoshi: I can't believe Mario couldn't taste the difference between orange sherbet and Arsenic powder!  

Mario: Well I've never tasted Arsenic powder!

Toad: Hey Luigi. Do you still have that tape?

*Everyone stares at Toad.*

Toad: What? At least it has _women in it!_

*Everyone laughs.*

Luigi: Hey Toad, have you always been such a pervert?

Toad: Of course not! It's meeting the likes of Wario that's done it.

Luigi: He wasn't always like that. He was once a very kind sensitive young man.

*Everyone stares at Luigi.*

Luigi: NOT!

Mario: Remember that time he decided to go on a treasure hunt? How stupid was that!

Luigi: Didn't you go with him?

Mario: Oh yeah…

Toad: What happened?

Luigi: Nothing! They spent the whole day wandering around a field and they didn't find a thing. It was what happened when they came home that was funny!

*In Mario's home. Waluigi and Luigi are sitting in the living room, Mario and Wario enter.*

Luigi: Find anything?

Mario: Nope! Not one beep from this metal detector!

*He show them the metal detector.*

Waluigi: Can I have a look at that?

Mario: Sure.

*He gives him the detector. Waluigi waves it about over some bits of metal. Nothing happens. He then opens the battery compartment, takes out the batteries and put them back in the other way round. He then waves the detector over some metal again. It starts beeping loudly.*

Mario: (Shocked) The batteries were in the wrong way round…

*Luigi sniggers*

Mario: (To Wario) YOU JERK! You made me walk around that dumb field all day and the batteries weren't even in! I'm going to kill you!

*He goes to charge at Wario, but he trips up and lands on the floor unconscious. When he lands his head smashes a hole in the floor and they can see a pile of gold coins through it.*

Waluigi: It's a secret horde!

Wario: Lets take it.

*They share out the coins between the three of them.*

Luigi: Shouldn't we save some for Mario?

*They consider this.*

Wario, Waluigi and Luigi: Nah…

Mario: You never told me about that!

Luigi: Well nether would you!

Mario: I would have!

Luigi: You would not! You were almost as selfish as Wario!

Mario: I'll kill you for that! *He starts chasing Luigi around the room. They run around the room for a bit before running out of it.*

Yoshi: Well, I suppose that puts an end to this conversation.

Peach: I guess so. I'd better tell the nurse to get ready for two casualties.

*She and Yoshi leave, Leave Toad on his own with Baby Mario.* 

Toad: (sighing) Looks like history _does_ repeat itself…

Well, that's it! I hope you liked it. Please review and tell me what you thought!


End file.
